Joseph squeals. Laura threatens bodily harm. Then they do the “I Love You” thingie and Hanna thinks they are weird. Yup, this video about sums it up. Gettysburg 2010.
General
Bad Poetry and Other Gems
I’ve used the Festisite Text Layout feature a couple of times, both times so focused on my outcome that I didn’t pay attention to what else the site offers. Last week when I revisited the site after mentioning that I had utilized it to design a pendant for my mom’s birthday, I took some time to poke around.
Just within Text Layout there are lots of fun options. I’ve used the Valentine heart and the waves, but there are also Banner, Maze, Rebus and Spiral options. The Rebus feature is a little sort of unbearably lame, but the others have merit.
But wait! There’s more! You can upload a picture to be featured on a playing card. Like this:
And a bunch of customizable logos, like this:
Or money:
But as a wordsmith, I most enjoyed the random poetry generator. I entered Phil as the name of my beloved, and a kiss as the optional gift. There were options to adjust the lines. I couldn’t help myself; I had to tweak. Here is the result of our collaboration:
This is really, really bad cringe-worthy poetry. Reach and siege, really? Awkward sentence structure . . . erratic meter . . . passive voice — even so, I like it. Maybe even enough to enter it in the Heart Text Layout for next Valentine’s Day. Shhhh, don’t tell Phil.
Do Unto Others
Consider these versions of The Golden Rule as taught by some of the major world religions:
- Bahá’í: And if thine eyes be turned towards justice, choose thou for thy neighbour that which thou choosest for thyself. —Bahá’u’lláh
- Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.—Udanavarga 5:18
- Christianity: (Jesus said,) “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31 NIV
- Confucianism: (Confucius said,) “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.”
- Hinduism: One should never do that to another which one regards as injurious to one’s own self. This, in brief, is the rule of dharma. Other behavior is due to selfish desires. —Brihaspati, Mahabharata (Anusasana Parva, Section CXIII, Verse 8)
- Islam: “That which you want for yourself, seek for mankind.” – Muhammad
- Judaism: That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn it. —Talmud, Shabbat 31a, the “Great Principle”
- Taoism: Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you. — The Way to Happiness, Precept 20
Despite the ubiquitous nature of this maxim, bullying runs rampant in our society – in public schools, in Christian schools, on buses, on the playground, on the playing field, on the internet, in the boardroom. Even Miss America contestants – beautiful and smart and talented – are increasingly admitting to having been bullied and are competing with anti-bullying platforms. Schools can pick from dozens of anti-bullying programs.
Unfortunately, this approach just seems to drive bullying further underground. Bullies are insidious. They know how to hide or disguise their behavior. They are also smart and can figure out ways to get around the new rules.
There has been a major shift in our society. It used to be that we focused on the good of the community; now the focus is on what is best for the individual. I have a deep appreciation for the JFK quote: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” Substitute just about anything else into that sentence – family, school, class, team, company – and it still works! If I were Miss America, my anti-bullying platform would be a little different. We need to shift the focus away from the individual – the bully – and onto society – the greater good.
Do unto others . . . it really is that simple.
The Christmas Angels
I am thrilled to announced that my latest Arch Book story is now available from Concordia Publishing House.
I have been an Arch Book fan since I was a little girl. I remember having them read to me at bedtime and receiving them as Christmas and Easter gifts. My favorite was a retelling of the Parable of the Talents, Eight Bags of Gold (now out of print).
Now, as an adult, I welcome the opportunity to give a child the gift of a Christian storybook for less than the cost of some greeting cards. As a Christian, I appreciate that every story is Biblically sound. As an author, I am thrilled to be published and grateful for the opportunity to do the kind of writing I love.
I am often asked how I got into writing Arch Books. One day when I picked Laura up from kindergarten, I took her and Joseph to Hanna’s eighth grade book fair. I mentioned to the kindergarten teacher that I loved Arch Books and had always wanted to write one. She told me that a friend of hers had gotten published after attending a writing workshop. The next day she sent information about the 2002 Writing for the Church Workshop home in Laura’s backback. I signed up right away.
The workshop took place at Concordia Seminary in July. I was fortunate to live just a two-hour drive away, but other participants flew in from all over the country. One of the first things our facilitators, Resolute Rod and Electrifying Earl, asked of us was to introduce ourselves with a descriptive alliterative adjective. Unfortunately, Sassy Cindy took mine before I had a turn. There were only a few participants sitting between us, so I didn’t have much time to come up with a new one. I briefly considered Sweaty Sara, inspired by the sweltering St. Louis summer heat, but settled on Splendid Sara. For someone like me, who is terrible with names, this exercise was wildly successful. I can still remember many of my colleagues’ nicknames: Chortling Charles, Ornery Arlene, Jovial Jonathan, Jazzy Jane, Fun Phil, Candid Karen, Zealous Zeal.
The workshop was intense. Besides refreshers on writing styles, we learned specifics about writing for the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. Many of the workshops dealt with writing for the devotionals Portals of Prayer and My Devotions and the preschool magazine Happy Times, all publications that were actively recruiting writers. I anxiously awaited a visit from the family editor later in the week and worked on a draft rhyming story about Ruth from the viewpoint of Boaz.
When the family editor finally arrived for her session, she focused mainly on devotionals with just a few comments concerning Arch Books. Arch Books have evolved over the years and now have a consistent 16-page, 64-line format. Every book, even the Old Testament stories, must contain a Gospel message. All stories must be scripturally sound and feature no whimsical characters or talking animals (which explained why Donkey Daniel in Bethlehem is out of print).
I asked more about Arch Books during a personal interview. I learned that CPH publishes just four Arch Books each year – one Old Testament story, one New Testament story, one Christmas and one Easter story. CPH already had a stable of Arch book authors, so unlike the periodicals, they were not recruiting. She enjoyed my draft of Kind Farmer Boaz, but encouraged me to pursue other opportunities.
Disappointed, I spent the rest of the workshop working on a manuscript for Happy Times. By the time the conference ended, Sassy Cindy and I had a joint contract for the next year’s December issue.
But once home, I couldn’t stop thinking about Arch Books. Every time I sat down to try to write something else, “Old Testament, New Testament, Christmas, Easter” kept running through my mind, nearly becoming a mantra. After a while, I recognized it as a nudge from the Holy Spirit and developed four stories. For an Old Testament story I wrote God Said, “It Is Good,” based on the story of creation. A New Testament story, Which Son Did Right?, was based on the parable of the two sons and the vineyard in Matthew 21:28-32. The Christmas story I wrote was Anna Tells God’s Promise, about Jesus’ presentation at the temple from the point of view of Anna the prophetess. Finally, Mary Magdalene’s Easter Story was based on the account of Mary Magdalene’s visit to the empty tomb in John 20:10-18.
The entire process took about exactly a year after attending the conference. While I did not anticipate publication, I felt a sense of peace, relief and accomplishment when I mailed the packet.
Just a few months later, I had a voice mail from the CPH family editor. Mary Magdalene’s Easter Story had been selected as the Easter Arch Book for 2005! The timing of my submission had been perfect. Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code was on the best sellers list and CPH had never published an Arch story about Mary Magdalene.
And that is the story of how I became an Arch Book author. Looking back, I can see God working to my benefit in so many ways, and I am truly grateful and humbled.
__________
The Warrior-Poets from the 2002 Writing for the Church Workshop have produced a prodigious number of Arch Books:
Splendid Sara
- Mary Magdalene’s Easter Story
- The Ten Plagues
- When Jesus Was Born
- The Christmas Angels
Sassy Cindy
- Star of Wonder
- The Thankful Leper
- John’s Easter Story
Jovial Jonathan
- Get Up Lazarus!
- Jesus Shows His Glory
- The Father’s Easter Story
- The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard
Joyful Joan
- The Gardens of Easter
- O Holy Night!
Satisfied Susan
- The Lord Calls Samuel
3 Websites That Make Me Laugh Out Loud
I discovered three internet sites last week that tickled me pink. As I am feeling particularly generous, I’m going to share them.
3. Chemistry Cat – Three of my favorite things – cats, science and puns – rolled into one. I Zn these are hysterical.
2. Internet Anagram Server – More fun with the English language. Enter a phrase or name into this little gem and it will return anagrams using the letters. For instance:
- Sara Lynn Hartman = Ha! Snarly Man Rant
- Chemistry Cat = Scratchy Time
- I Love English = Oh, Single Evil
1. Seussville – This should be pronounced “Zoice-ville,” by the way. Random House has created a truly Seuss-inspired funhouse of activities. Visit your favorite book, learn about whimsical characters, discover little known facts about one of America’s most beloved children’s authors. Oh, and design your own Who!
The Eyes Have It
Five years ago, on June 2, 2008, I underwent brain surgery: microvascular decompression of the seventh cranial nerve in an attempt to cure hemifacial spasm. Unfortunately my facial nerve was damaged during surgery and I awoke with left side facial paralysis; I could neither smile nor blink, and my eye no longer produced tears. In addition to the trauma of losing my pretty smile, I experienced extreme pain from dry eye. Over time the nerve healed. I have recovered quite a bit of facial function. My smile is not what it used to be, but most people don’t notice that anything is wrong. I’ve learned how to make a smaller smile to minimize the difference between sides. I now produce tears when I cry or eat spicy food, but not under normal circumstances. I have tried every type of eye drop and gel I could find, but Refresh PM ointment is the only one that keeps dry eye pain at bay. My brain learned to compensate for the blurry vision on the left side, but over time it became mentally exhausting. This is the story of my nearly lifelong quest for sharp vision. It’s long and a bit on the clinical side now and then, but I feel it is important to be as thorough as possible in case it can help someone else out there.
I grew up nearsighted. In third grade I failed the school vision screening and made my first visit to an ophthalmologist. I remember leaving the optical shop after getting my first pair of glasses and marveling at seeing individual leaves on the trees. I was 8 years old. Thus began a progression of horrible nerdy glasses, the early ones complete with real glass lenses. Every year my vision got progressively worse and the lenses thicker. I disliked wearing eyeglasses, but couldn’t see without them.
Those despised spectacles did provide some dramatic moments. Once during a bombardment game in elementary school PE, I got hit in the face with a beanbag. My glasses flew across the gym and the glass lenses shattered. I was blind for a week waiting for a new pair. In high school I was invited on a horseback ride. During the home stretch across a hayfield, the horses began to gallop and my glasses – new of course – flew off my face. The next day my friend’s father, a career military man, organized a search line. Miraculously we found the glasses. Fortunately for me, lens technology had progressed to thinner and lighter plastic with scratch resistant coating.
My senior year in high school, a miracle occurred. I had my annual appointment with the ophthalmologist, anticipating yet another pair of geeky specs. To my amazement, my mom and dad had decided to surprise me with contact lenses. I was fitted with soft contacts and was at long last able to forgo the coke bottle glasses. I could see better and looked better. Win-win.
By the time my three children had been born, my prescription was -7.5 on the left and -9.0 on the right.
Weary of glasses, contacts, and solutions, I also hated not being able to see my kids at the swimming pool. I had been monitoring the development of laser surgery, and it had finally progressed to the point where I felt comfortable asking my ophthalmologist about it.
In February of 2000 I had LASIK performed in Kansas City. My refractive surgeon was reputed to be one of the top three in the country. He gave me ten units of correction on the right eye (at that time, the most that he would do) and eight on the left. I had been warned that my level of correction would probably require an enhancement surgery a few months later, but I was fortunate not to need it. My eyes healed perfectly. (I do see halos and starbursts around light sources, but I had that before surgery due to extreme nearsightedness and large pupils, so it causes me no distress.) After some mild post-surgical dry eye that resolved after a few months, I never looked back.
For eight years, I was able to take my vision for granted. Then came the microvascular decompression surgery and severe left side dry eye. I do not know how I was able to tolerate the plane ride home, but I made it somehow. After a few weeks of trial and error, I settled into a routine of applying Refresh PM ointment around the clock to keep my cornea moist. It gave me relief from dry eye pain, but also blurred my vision. In August I had a 1.8 gram platinum weight implanted into my eyelid to aid in closure. It helps to keep my eye shut at night, but unfortunately does not provide a complete blink.
In September 2008 I first asked my ophthalmic surgeon about the advances in scleral lenses being made by the Boston Foundation for Sight. Instead of resting on the cornea, the edges of these lenses extend to the sclera, or white of the eye, creating a moisture chamber on the surface of the eye, relieving dry eye pain while providing clear vision.
The surgeon dissuaded me, stating that the lens was only indicated for debilitating facial injuries such as Gulf War soldiers who had lost their eyelids altogether and had no protection for their eyes. I resigned myself to a lifetime of accepting less than optimal eyesight in exchange for keeping my cornea healthy and pain free. But it seemed to me that a scleral lens would be ideal for a situation such as mine, so a little more than a year ago, I brought the subject up again. I think the doctor realized I would not be giving up the idea, and reluctantly granted permission to find and consult with a specialist in contacts for dry eye. He warned me that my eye might be too sensitive to be fitted successfully.
Extenuating circumstances kept me from pursuing it right away, but a few months ago I began to see an increasing number of posts on the Acoustic Neuroma Eye Issues Forum concerning scleral lenses. I live in a small city, so I was not surprised to find that my local ophthalmologist does not fit scleral lenses. I contacted the manufacturer of one of the lenses mentioned on the forum and received a referral to an optometrist in a nearby city.
I emailed a brief history to the doctor and received a reply that he believed he could help me. At my initial appointment he recommended that I try Restasis twice a day for a couple of months to see if it would give me relief without needing a lens. He also recommended eyeglasses because the vision in my right eye had degraded slightly, to -1.0.
Unfortunately, I did not do well at all with Restasis. Both of my eyes burned whenever I applied it, and I could hardly stand to wait for the required fifteen minutes to pass before I could apply drops or ointment. I did some research and discovered that Restasis was not effective for dry eye due to nerve damage and contacted the doctor to ask to discontinue the Restasis and proceed with a scleral lens fitting.
The first lens turned out to fit too loosely even though it looked perfect from the fitting kit. I brought it home so that I could practice inserting and removing the lens. I could only wear it an hour at a time because the lubricating drops slowly leaked out of the bottom of the lens making the lens uncomfortable and blurring my vision. I am currently testing a second lens with a tighter fit. If my eye doctor was 10% satisfied with the last lens, he is 80% satisfied with this one. We will decide at my appointment next week whether to tighten the fit a bit more as it still settles just under center. I can wear it for increasing lengths of time, starting with 3 hour increments and increasing by an hour every day.
On the right side, we tried several regular soft lenses, but my cornea is so flat post-LASIK (remember the diagram above?) that the lens slides and does not hold its shape. I can’t afford a second scleral lens at this time, so my doctor has recommended a custom soft lens to take into account my flat cornea and large pupil size. I’ll be able to try that next appointment also.
Update (07/15/13): The name of the custom soft lens I tried is SpecialEyes. I have also seen one called RevitalEyes. There are likely others as well; if you are interested I suggest googling for “custom soft contact lenses” or “post-LASIK soft contact lenses.” I did not keep the lens. As it turns out, the -1 in my right eye with the corrected vision from the left scleral gives me more-or-less textbook monovision. The increase in distance vision from the right lens was not enough to compensate for the loss in near vision.
Although I did not reach my goal of crystal clear vision for my fifth post-MVD anniversary, I am close enough at this point to celebrate. I am happy to report that – severe myopic, post-LASIK and post-MVD – there is light at the end of my tunnel.
Here is a list of scleral lenses I have been able to identify. Let me know if I have missed any, and I will add them.
- Acculens Maxim
- Advanced Vision Technologies AVT Scleral – this is the one I am using
- Art Optical Scleral Lens Options (Rose K2 XL, Paragon NormalEyes 15.5, SoClear)
- Essilor Large Diameter Series (Jupiter, Perimeter)
- iSight Scleral
- Lens Dynamics Dyna Semi-Scleral
- SynergEyes Hybrid Lenses (Duette, UltraHealth. Post Surgical)
- TruForm Tru-Scleral and DigiForm
- Valley Contax Valley ICD 16.5
- Visionary Optics Jupiter Scleral
- X-Cel Atlantis Scleral Titan Large Diameter
Some unusual cases and harder-to-fit eyes may require custom scleral lenses. Instead of starting with ready-made fitting kits, these lenses are custom designed for each eye. The fitting process requires approximately a week of travel to their location.
- BostonSight PROSE – custom scleral lenses by the Boston Foundation for Sight. US providers are located in Needham, MA, Los Angeles and San Francisco, CA, San Antonio and Houston, TX, Chicago, IL, Ann Arbor, MI, Miami, FL, Baltimore, MD, and Great Neck and New York, NY. Overseas in India and Japan.
- Global Refractive Solutions Laserfit – custom designed lenses using high resolution digital imaging. The design process was developed and patented by Dr. Greg Gemoules of Coppell, TX (Dallas area). Lenses are manufactured to his specifications by TruForm.
Update (09/17/14): I ran across this option that is manufactured to order by the manufacturer of AVT Sclerals (the lens that I wear):
- EyePrintPro – Custom prosthetic scleral cover shells made using a direct impression of the surface of the eye. The developer of the scleral shell practices in Iowa City, IA. According to the website there are additional practitioners across the country, but I was unable to find a list on the website, though there is a contact form for questions or comments.
Read my next post on scleral lenses.
Fun With Rosie the Riveter
Last week Laura created a PowerPoint presentation about World War II propaganda for her history class. Not surprisingly, one of the images she included was the iconic 1943 poster of Rosie the Riveter:
Saturday – aka Star Wars Day – I found a fun Rosie parody to post on Laura’s Facebook wall:
Naturally, this led me to wonder what other interesting parodies are out there. Turns out, quite a few. While I did not find one for Star Trek (I expected Lieutenant Uhura), here are some of my faves:
Hunger Games:
Wonder Woman:
Muppets:
Zombie:
Peeps:
Lego:
Sara the Riveter:
Pink Power:
5 Things I Never Knew Until Last Week
If, as the saying goes, a person learns something new every day, then this post should rightfully be titled “7 Things I Never Knew Until Last Week.” Perhaps I did learn seven, but only five come to mind and it seems a good enough number, easy to multiply as well as Hanna’s favorite numeral. When she was a little girl, Hanna used to sneak an extra item into the grocery cart if I were buying four. Come to think of it, she still does.
In no particular order, the top 5 things I never knew until last week:
1. April 10 is National Siblings Day
According to Wikipedia, 2013 marks the 14th celebration of National Siblings Day. That means the first one took place back in 2000, although I do not remember hearing about it until the explosion of Facebook posts and Twitter tweets last week. Claudia Evart wishes to honor her late brother and sister by achieving federal recognition of the day, like Mothers and Fathers Days.
2. The Louisville basketball team is a hotbed of Christianity
Last Monday night I was multitasking as I awaited tip-off of the NCAA championship game. I don’t remember whether I was checking my e-mail or finishing up a Scrabble game as a prerecorded introduction of the Louisville starting five played. I vaguely heard athletes announce that they played for their family or for grandma or school spirit or whatnot, when Peyton Siva’s statement made me sit up and take notice: “I play for my Lord.”
Wow. I wasn’t quite sure if I had heard correctly, but later in the game as he prepared for a free throw attempt, one of the announcers remarked that Siva wears jersey number 3 to honor the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Double Wow. And after the game, when asked about his role in the Louisville basketball program, Siva responded,”First off, I got to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for blessing us for this opportunity. I thank God, and without my teammates, without my parents, my girlfriend over there, my sisters, my brothers, none of this would be possible. I’m just thankful to God.” Triple WOW.
Siva is not alone in his faith. Final four MVP Luke Hancock prayed with Kevin Ware as his teammate lay in shock with a compound fracture earlier in the tournament. Ware himself, when asked about the secret of Louisville’s success, answered “We are brothers, and brothers glorify the Word.”
How refreshing: role models who have their priorities straight.
3. A fender dent can be repaired with a hair dryer and compressed air
It warmed up enough early last week to address some hit-and-run parking lot paint scuffs left on both front fenders of my Subaru. I read online that WD-40 would clean them. While I had no luck with WD-40, I learned that rubbing alcohol applied with sufficient elbow grease will do the trick. I’m not certain if one of the scuffs was more recent than the other, or if the offending vehicles had different types of paint, or if one side was hit a little harder, but the driver side was a lot easier to clean than the passenger side.
I favor the theory that the passenger side was hit with more force, because there is also a dent on that side. It’s very slight and only noticeable when the light hits it a certain way, but it bugs me to know that it is there. I heard about DIY dent repair using a plunger and ran a YouTube search. Turns out there are all kinds of options involving not only plungers but magnets, popcorn and specialty suction gadgets. I think the most intriguing approach utilizes a hair dryer and compressed air.
I haven’t tried this yet, but I am going to when it warms up again. I hope to enjoy a result like this:
4. Hell is in the Inbox
In the roughly seven and a half months that I have been posting to this weblog, I have received more than a thousand comments. I approve only the pertinent ones, of which there have been a whopping 17.
The rest have been either spam or seem to address some other unrelated weblog. There was a series thanking me for beautiful wedding photography, another bunch wishing Tim and me every happiness in our marriage. My favorite accused me of thinking I could just post a random picture with a line of text and pass it off as a weblog (this was on a post with no pictures). I got that one twice.
Non-pertinent comments seem to come in waves and without rhyme or reason. Sometimes there are even comments to individual photos rather than posts. I usually let them build up a while and then do a bulk spam report. There was a bit of a lull earlier this month, but last week comments skyrocketed. I received nearly 200, most of them linked to my book review of David Shannon’s Hell in the Head.
When I told Dave about the onslaught, he theorized that it was due to the title of his book, and pointed out that there was a heavy metal song with a similar title (perhaps I Am Hell by the Machine Heads?). Since my post on Day of the Dead was currently running a distant second, I think he may be onto something. I disabled comments for those two posts and the comments slowed to their usual pace.
5. There exists a kitchen gadget specifically for slicing bananas
For a reason known only to its marketing programmers, Amazon.com decided that I might be interested in this item. Interested is an understatement; the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer is nothing short of fascinating. To think that for years I have settled for using a knife to slice bananas! If you do not find this gadget funny in itself, be sure to look through the gallery of customer images and read the customer reviews.
Now that I have looked at the banana slicer, Amazon thinks I might also be interested in a strawberry core remover, stainless pineapple slicer with wedger, one-step corn kerneler (I already have the corn-on-the-cob butter holder) or perhaps even a $300 onion slicer.
I think I’ll just stick with a knife. Good thing Laura got me a hot pink leopard print one for my last birthday.
Top 5 Reasons My Weblog is Late!
When I attended the Glorieta Christian Writer’s Conference, one of the seminars I attended focused on magazine writing. One of the tips: include two sidebars, one of which is a list (or checklist) related to the main article. For instance, an article on travel might include a checklist titled “5 Must Haves in Your Carry-on!” Using a number is highly recommended. An exclamation point is optional.
People love lists, hence the popularity of David Letterman’s Top 10 feature. Checklists are especially appealing. Checking items off a list, even relating to items on a list, releases endorphins, and some days every little bit of feel-good therapy helps.
Longer lists can serve as a stand-alone article. These proliferate on the internet, which allows for much longer lists than print:
- Lindsay Lohan Mugshots: The Complete Set
- The 30 Hottest Athlete WAGS Who’ve Posed for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
- Top 10 Everything of 2012
- 100 Greatest American Movies of All Times
- Procrastinating Tips: 9 Reasons to Slack Off
But I digress. Without further procrastination, here are the top 5 reasons that today’s weblog is late:
1. I could not come up with a clever April Fool’s Day hoax. I’m sure I will come up with a splendid idea tomorrow or perhaps Wednesday, then forget it by next April 1st, which won’t occur on Monday anyway.
2. I did not want to post about basketball three weeks in a row. (Although I would like to point out that three out of four winners last weekend were the lower ranked team!)
3. It is spring break and I have enjoyed spending time with my kids. Even helping Laura prep for the ACT was fun. I also had a lovely Easter – my favorite holiday of the year.
4. It is more fun to surf the internet for interesting lists than to write my own. Unfortunately, surfing invariably takes more time than I think it will.
And 5. I decided I would rather post late than not post at all. I’m afraid of losing the momentum I’ve maintained since last September.
If I hit the publish button now, I will have three hours and seventeen minutes to spare. Til next time – Is it Monday Already?